. . . . . . . . BOY!!!
We are all very excited to welcome a little baby boy into our family in January! His first name will be Reuben (after Scott's great-grandfather Reuben Moon), but we have not decided on a middle name.
The reason I am getting around to posting about this three months after finding out is because I am a complete emotional wreck about having another child. Since Rigby turned one, I have always wanted and felt confident that we would have another boy--and I dearly love Reuben already--but I feel very, very unprepared to be a mother to another child. Adding a third child to our family really challenged me. Figuring out how to juggle three kids, dealing with hormonal/emotional problems, getting ready to move, and then the emotional strain of moving and adjusting to a new place has not been an easy process for me.
When Adeline turned one year old, I felt like I had finally figured out how to mostly keep my head above water. I wanted to space the fourth child three years apart instead of our usual two years. I thought it was a reasonable plan of action, but Heavenly Father disagreed. Both Scott and I felt it was right to continue the "2-year plan." I was very upset, but I felt like we had been greatly blessed and were bound to do the right thing. So, I scheduled an appointment with a new reproductive endocrinologist and begun the whole infertility treatment process. From experience with our other children, I figured it would take 3-6 months before I got pregnant provided my body cooperated. I was pregnant after the 1st cycle. I was shocked, Scott was not, and I think the doctor wondered why I had come to a specialist in the first place.
Adeline and Reuben will be the closest in age at 22 months! I was in denial the first trimester, and I have mostly tried to ignore pregnancy as much as possible during the second and third trimesters. I have never been such an emotional wreck during pregnancy. Two to three days out of a week, I feel like crying for legitimate reasons, silly reasons or sometimes no reason at all (and I do physically cry at least once during the crying days, if not more:). I have never felt so terrified to have a baby--even more so than my first.
Despite all of my doubts, I do have moments of peace. Deep down, I have a feeling that I can do this if I am willing to work hard and pray A LOT! I have a feeling that Reuben will be a content baby, and I will deal with the newborn phase better than the last time. I really do love you and want you Reuben! I also love watching Peter and Rigby get excited and pray for their baby brother. Hopefully Adeline will not be too devastated and learn to be a cute little mother/helper quickly--fingers crossed!
Well, there is the truth. I do not know why I am posting this because it is more private than I like to get here on the blog. Maybe nobody will read it, but I really did feel like I needed to share my thoughts. I really am excited and humbled to be a mother to Peter, Rigby, Adeline, and Reuben. So until Reuben is born, a fat, pregnant lady will be repeating, "I think I can, I think I can." Hopefully, I will also be able to say, "I thought I could [and did]" too! (and maybe I will be skinny by then too!)
