It's a . . .

. . . . . . . . BOY!!!

We are all very excited to welcome a little baby boy into our family in January!  His first name will be Reuben (after Scott's great-grandfather Reuben Moon), but we have not decided on a middle name.

The reason I am getting around to posting about this three months after finding out is because I am a complete emotional wreck about having another child.  Since Rigby turned one, I have always wanted and felt confident that we would have another boy--and I dearly love Reuben already--but I feel very, very unprepared to be a mother to another child.  Adding a third child to our family really challenged me.  Figuring out how to juggle three kids, dealing with hormonal/emotional problems, getting ready to move, and then the emotional strain of moving and adjusting to a new place has not been an easy process for me.

When Adeline turned one year old, I felt like I had finally figured out how to mostly keep my head above water.  I wanted to space the fourth child three years apart instead of our usual two years.  I thought it was a reasonable plan of action, but Heavenly Father disagreed.  Both Scott and I felt it was right to continue the "2-year plan."  I was very upset, but I felt like we had been greatly blessed and were bound to do the right thing.  So, I scheduled an appointment with a new reproductive endocrinologist and begun the whole infertility treatment process.  From experience with our other children, I figured it would take 3-6 months before I got pregnant provided my body cooperated.  I was pregnant after the 1st cycle.  I was shocked, Scott was not, and I think the doctor wondered why I had come to a specialist in the first place.

Adeline and Reuben will be the closest in age at 22 months!  I was in denial the first trimester, and I have mostly tried to ignore pregnancy as much as possible during the second and third trimesters.  I have never been such an emotional wreck during pregnancy.  Two to three days out of a week, I feel like crying for legitimate reasons, silly reasons or sometimes no reason at all (and I do physically cry at least once during the crying days, if not more:).  I have never felt so terrified to have a baby--even more so than my first.

Despite all of my doubts, I do have moments of peace.  Deep down, I have a feeling that I can do this if I am willing to work hard and pray A LOT!  I have a feeling that Reuben will be a content baby, and I will deal with the newborn phase better than the last time.  I really do love you and want you Reuben!  I also love watching Peter and Rigby get excited and pray for their baby brother.  Hopefully Adeline will not be too devastated and learn to be a cute little mother/helper quickly--fingers crossed!

Well, there is the truth.  I do not know why I am posting this because it is more private than I like to get here on the blog.  Maybe nobody will read it, but I really did feel like I needed to share my thoughts.  I really am excited and humbled to be a mother to Peter, Rigby, Adeline, and Reuben.  So until Reuben is born, a fat, pregnant lady will be repeating, "I think I can, I think I can."  Hopefully, I will also be able to say, "I thought I could [and did]" too! (and maybe I will be skinny by then too!)